How many friggin’ mini-quiches do you need to eat?

Another week, another “gotta lose this week on Weight Watchers”.  I gained 1.2lbs last week.  I was devastated, as usual, but pulled it together to have a sensible week in preparations for 2 birthday dinners over the weekend.  Another year older, too.

I broke the first rule of Weight Watchers by weighing myself on my bathroom scale last week.  You’re not supposed to weigh yourself “nekked and freshly peed” (as my leader, Ellen, says) because it’s not a true picture of your weight.  We know that weight fluctuates every day and every week, and yet we are determined to step on that scale and see if there are any results to celebrate about.  I even went to WW a second time last week to “unofficially” get weighed-in again, to see if my gain was phantom or not.  The good news, I was down 1.6 and very pleased!  The hard work was paying off.  However, the woman who weighed me in “unofficially” told me not to tell anyone, including Ellen!

I went out to dinner after that at Barbounia for a special meal with my friend Krista.  I had a beet salad with Gorgonzola to start and lobster risotto for my meal.  I devoured the salad and ate most of the risotto.  I found it to be a little bland and I decided I didn’t need to finish it just because it was costing me $18.50.  We also indulged in dessert and to be honest, I know I had something chocolate, but can’t remember what.  It also went unfinished.

The big success of the weekend (before we get to all the birthday dinners) was my Friday night.  I worked a fundraiser at the Heights Players and knew that eventually people would be ordering pizza.  I packed a Lean Cuisine that was 7 points, which I felt, was a good portion for dinner, and a Coke zero.  Once the show began, I went into the dressing room and heated up my dinner and enjoyed it thoroughly.  The show ended, and of course, the dreaded question…”Marie, do you want to order pizza?”

The only thing I love more than cheese, is cheese on bread with tomato sauce.  Pizza is definitely a favorite in my life.  It’s cheap, it’s tasty, it’s satisfying, you can have it a million different ways with a million different toppings.  You can have entire conversations dedicated to “who has the best pizza in Brooklyn”  — my vote, L&B Spumoni Gardens.  But, I digress.

“Marie, do you want to order pizza?”

“Nah, I’m OK, you guys enjoy it.”

I didn’t go in on the pizza.  First test of my will power over.  The next was when the pizza actually arrived.  I was sitting amongst some friends.  Everyone was chowing down on one slice, then a second, and even some on a third…I just sat there.  It smelled so good.  I thought, well hell, I could go have a slice.  But, for what?  I knew the pizza was from my least favorite pizza place, My Little Pizzeria, so it was easier to resist.  And I did resist.  Second test of my will power, a success!

This experience along with the meal at Barbounia taught me something.  If you don’t like the way the food tastes, you don’t have to eat it.  This is not 1933, we are not starving, there’s no need to eat crappy pizza just because it’s in front of you.  This is why I vow to never tell my kid to “finish what’s on your plate.”  It’s unnatural.  You should stop when you are satisfied, not when you’re plate is empty.

I went to a wedding recently and was telling Ellen, “Well I have a wedding this weekend, so I don’t know how I’m going to lose.”  Her response, “Marie, how many friggin’ mini-quiches do you need to eat?”

Exactly.

That week, I lost.

Container Eating or How I Finished the Whole Thing

Have you ever finished an entire container of Haagen Daaz?  Or potato chips?  Or cookies?  Or broccoli?  (ok, let’s face it, no one eats broccoli like that)

I have been victim to “container eating”.  Many times.  I’ve already regaled you with stories of me finishing entire sleeves of Oreos without even thinking.  I also used to eat Stella D’Oro cookies like that.  That damn Margherite Combination was always eaten in 1 or 2 sittings – no more.  I remember dipping the cookies into ice cold (whole!) milk as a child and swallowing the cookies practically whole.  I bought a package like 2 weeks ago at Fairway as a treat.  I calculated the points, and decided that 2 cookies for 3 points was acceptable and bought it.  It sat on the counter un-opened for a few days.  Then a friend came over and opened it and had one.  More time elapsed.  Then, finally, the craving I was waiting for reared its ugly head.  I said to my husband, “I know what I want, the Stella D’Oro cookies!  Bring me a glass of milk.”

I hunkered down on the couch for a satisfying stay with the cookies, milk and my memories of childhood.  I took a chocolate cookie first, dunked it into my vanilla flavored soy milk and then attempt to swallow it whole.  Hmm.  Something was missing.  It wasn’t that good.  It was kinda bland, lifeless.  I stopped.  I figured if the chocolate was tasteless, the vanilla was going to be worse!  I don’t need this.  If’ it’s not going to bring me back to the days of old, why bother?  I assumed the usage of vanilla soy milk is what ruined it, but who knows?

There’s a couple of things at play here:

1. Why is container eating so satisfying?

Container eating is satisfying because we like a sense of completion.  I can check that block of cheese off my list!  Also, we have no sense of knowing when to stop.  The lines of full/not full are so blurred at this point, the only way we know to stop is when the container (or plate) is empty.

2. Why am I seeking out food to bring me back to memories of my childhood?

I had an alright childhood, but nothing worth putting on the pounds for!  Something about the familiarity is seductive.  I’ve always eaten these cookies and they’ve always tasted the same.  What about…  “I can eat like a 12 year old and not gain weight” – we know it’s not true but we always want to try and prove it.  Childhood is comforting, its a time when life was simpler, you didn’t need to count points or worry about what size your pants were.  It was just easier!

3. What was my initial craving about that I desired an entire box of cookies?

Hmm, the hardest one to answer.  I think I was sad.  I was upset, I wanted to be comforted.  I wanted to feel special.  I wanted to indulge.   I was happy too, content.  All of the emotions can make you want to eat – happy, sad, bored…

The bottom line is – I didn’t really need a “treat” as I called the cookies in paragraph two of this entry.  When I worked at a cosmetics counter we used to say, “A free sample is not a reward for a purchase.”  Well, “An unhealthy snack isn’t a reward for making it through the day, it’s the opposite of a reward, whatever that is!

Ok, deep breath: today I’m going to eat to live, not live to eat.

AND, I’m gonna throw out those boring cookies…I swear.

Break-ups and long lost loves…

Like the song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.”

I’ve been through some rough break-ups (are there any that aren’t rough?). Usually there are tears, loads of time on the phone with girlfriends trying to make sense of it all, and of course, revenge fantasies!

I’ll admit, I’ve been rather tragic during some of my break-ups.
-Crying for six months (over a guy is just never warranted)

-Driving past his house

-Calling and hanging up (pre-caller id, Duh)

-Going out with someone else just to make him jealous

-Enlisting your friends to “keep an eye on him”

-Starving yourself before you know you’re going to see him so you look “super skinny and hot”

The list goes on and on.

I’ve thought a lot about break-ups lately, which is really weird, since I just got married (not breaking up!) and am in a very happy, healthy, stable relationship with my husband. But I’m not always in a happy, healthy, stable relationship with food. I’m finally breaking-up with myself in a way. I’m saying goodbye to the old Marie. The old Marie who would eat a sleeve of Oreos for fun. The old Marie who ate chicken parm for lunch…every day. The old Marie who believed food could cure a broken heart.

A couple of break-ups I went through, actually made me sick to my stomach that I couldn’t eat – but that hasn’t quite happened yet in my break-up with food. And by food, I mean, Oreos, chicken parm and Pringles.

Maybe food is the hardest break-up because you can’t really ever “stop seeing each other for good”. With a guy, you just break-up and then never talk again. Occasionally, you might stalk him out on facebook, but that’s the extent of it. Now with food, you can try and break-up cold turkey, but man, it’s hard. It’s so hard to put down that cookie dough at 2am when you can’t sleep.

I’ll admit, I have a few “long lost loves” I still think about. A few of, “the ones that got away” to still ponder. I’m married…not dead. There was the “first love” who I cheated on (high school style!), the second “first love” who I shared food with, “the player” who broke my heart so swiftly my head spun and the “bad guy” who was, a bad guy.

Sometimes when I’m travelling for work and walking thru an airport (looking like crap), I panic!  and think, “what if today is the day I’m going to bump into “the player”?  I don’t know why I think I’ll only bump into people at JFK, but I always think that.  And then there’s a row of really scary chain restaurants to cure my fears.  For a reformed overeater, going to the airport is like a drunk going to the bar.  There’s SO much temptation and you’re stuck there!  So, I usually slap on some make-up (just in case) and indulge in some airport food to calm my nerves.  I don’t need to tell you what a bad idea this is…

My food “long lost loves” include, Cambozola (spelling?) cheese on pita bread, meatballs, and Phish Food.  Sigh.

Someone posted a recent picture of me on facebook this week.  I looked at it with my usual critical eye and I thought, “hey, I look slim!”  I was thrilled.  That feeling is better than any food could ever taste.

Bye bye, meatballs!

It Don’t Come Easy

When I started (again) on Weight Watchers in February of 2008, I was kind of obsessed with listening to Ringo Starr.  C’mon, don’t judge, he’s a BEATLE!  I had his song “It Don’t Come Easy” on my iPod and listened to it pretty much everyday on my way to work.  Along with “Photograph”, which has nothing to do with weight loss, but is, nonetheless, a great song.

IDCE became my theme song for losing weight.  Whenever I would get down on myself about having to count points, measure portions, etc.  I would try to just remember, “Hey, it’s not easy, BUT you CAN do it.”  And, “Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues!” So I paid my dues and I DID lose weight.  I lost my first 15lbs rather easily.

Then, came the summer…

“I don’t want to cook, it’s too hot.”

“I’m on vacation, I don’t want to watch what I eat.”

“It’s summer, I go out a lot.”

“It’s summer, I want ice cream.”

I definitely used some of these excuses to sabotage myself, not knowing it of course.  Despite this, I had a great summer buying new clothes to fit my new body, even fitting into some old clothes that hadn’t fit in a long time!  I bought a new bathing suit, and didn’t have a fit of tears in the dressing room about it!  The real success of the summer was coming back from a two week stay in Israel and only gaining .4lbs.  I was devastated at the time (“I wish I had lost!”) and then my WW leader brought me back down to reality.

Leader: “Most people gain 5lbs on vacation, so I consider your ‘gain’ a 4.5lbs loss!”

The secret to my success… I never finished what was on my plate.  I ordered wisely when out to eat, but never finished the food.  I always left at least a bite, sometimes more.  This sounds really simple to do, but it’s VERY hard.  Especially when you’re out to eat.  You want to get ALL the value out of the meal (hell, I’m paying for this!) and usually the food is so good that you want to eat it all.  I still try to follow this rule, because it works and it’s a helluva lot better than cutting carbs outta my diet!  (cutting carbs out = torture to this little Italian girl).

So it’s Monday, and I went to weigh-in today.  Little bit of success today, down .6 of a pound.  At first, I felt bad (ugh, only .6!) but then I said, “Marie, it don’t come easy!”  The trend is downward and that’s ALL that matters!

I’m having some friends over tonight and we are going to order Papa John’s pizza – there I admit it!  It’s okay though, we ordered one loaded with “the meats” (I admit that is a bit scary) for the boys and one with veggies for me.  The greatest lesson I’ve learned doing WW is that you HAVE to speak up for what kinds of food you need.  My husband would prefer “the meats” (God help him!) but it’s absolutely no good for me.  So now, we order 2 pizzas so I can have what I need in order to continue the downward trend.

I also made a wonderful Sun-Dried Tomato dip from Barefoot Contessa‘s book and substituted all the full fat mayo, cream cheese, etc. for the lower fat counterparts.  I’m serving it with chips (again, for the boys) and with endive spears for me.

And finally dessert, YES you can still have dessert!  A recipe that I learned from my good friend Cara…

1. Take any store bought cake mix – doesn’t matter what flavor or texture

2. add one can of diet soda (try to match the soda color to the cake, so chocolate cake goes well with diet dr pepper or coke zero and lemon cake goes better with diet sprite)

3. mix

4. make into muffins, bake and eat!

I usually put some fat free Cool Whip on top with sliced strawberries.  Each muffin is only 1 point, and the toppings are hardly anything at all.

Enjoy!

So this meal will be slightly indulgent (the pizza) and mostly healthy.  You gotta treat each day as an opportunity to lose weight, because if you follow the “Tomorrow is another day” approach you will never lose weight.  You’ll always be starting your diet (though, I hate that word) tomorrow!  No good.  Follow the words of the wise Ringo Starr, “The future won’t last, it will soon be your tomorrow.”

Favorite Comfy Foods

My heart hurts.  I’m sad.  (Don’t want to depress you or anything).  I had a rough day!  It happens sometimes.  You get home from work and all you want to do is curl up on the couch with a giant plate of your favorite comfort food.  Gosh, I have SO many.  Pasta with butter, parmigiana cheese, salt and pepper.  A steamy serving, piled high in a pasta bowl.  I’m literally salivating over here writing this.  

How about just plain old mac and cheese?  Not that EZ Mac garbage, REAL mac and cheese.  Where you take the chunk of Cracker Barrel and grate it yourself.  Add an egg to the mix and bake it in the oven.  Cheesy, salty, creamy.  When you’re eating it, it almost seems like the problem goes away.  It’s gone while you dive in to that bowl of fill in the blank.

Pizza…ah pizza.  My ultimate comfort food.  Tangy tomato sauce, covered with cheese and pepperoni.  Heck, you don’t even need plates for pizza, just eat carefully over the cardboard box.

How about just a plain old chunk of cheese with a slew of crackers?  You can slice and slice and partner up the two and crunch on it and savor the creamy-ness of the cheese.  Something about the slicing is very satisfying too.  Each little nugget carefully sliced by you for you.  It’s like hunting for your food, without getting your hands dirty.  

Maybe that’s what’s missing now.  It’s too easy to get food.  You can dial it up from your couch (that you are curled up on) and you don’t even need to have cash!  So many places will take credit/debit over the phone.  Not having cash used to keep me from ordering in alot, but not anymore.  Now, we’ve discovered you can order Papa John’s by going on their website…I don’t even need to speak to someone to order anymore.  I can do it from my blackberry (and have).  No more laying a trap, cultivating a skill (see: Tom Hanks in Cast Away), or even gathering food by roaming the jungle.  Now you can drive thru (pay with credit/debit), run to the local Korean grocer, order in, or snack on whatever you have in the house.  And believe me, I’m never snacking on celery sticks.

When I have a rough day, unfortunately, I’m not one of those people who says, “I’m too upset to eat!” or (and I love this one) “I forgot to eat.”  Um, no.  I never “forget” to eat.  Usually being upset makes me more hungry.  I NEED that PJ’s pizza.  I must have a bowl of macaroni.  Dessert is a necessity.  (I can write a whole different post on chocolate being a comfort food.)

Food and Emotion, a large topic for sure.  Not something I can tackle in one post/thought.  Read “The End of Overeating.”  I am. He says about chain restaurants, (I’m paraphrasing), They aren’t selling you food, they are selling you emotion.

Why would I need to be sold emotion?  I have a shitload of my own that’s free.  Because mine sucks.  It’s good some days and bad the next.  It’s fickle, it needs to be tended to and taken care of.  And it’s really sensitive.  The emotion I can buy at TGI Fridays is so reliable.  Those mac and cheese poppers are always great, always satisfying.  They make me feel, something.  What, I don’t know. Maybe like a skinny person who doesn’t have to count points and worry about fitting into clothes.  Maybe like I’m allowed an indulgence every now and then.

Hmm.

I might actually be too upset to eat tonight.  Now, I know that eating PJ’s pizza – though good – isn’t going to fix anything.  Just make my pants fit tighter.   And make me feel worse once I swallow the last bite. “Why did I eat that?” Ugh.

Alright, let’s indulge without ingesting the calories.  Please post your favorite comfort foods.  Post it, and acknowledge that it’s just a food and not a miracle worker.  Goodnight.

Street Meat gets Fancified

The smell coming from the street meat guy on 54th and 3rd, I have to admit, is good!  My co-worker and I pass him often and always says, “one of these days we are actually going to order from him!”.  We never do though.  Only once in 2 years have we indulged in the street meat.  Why?  Well, I guess the idea of getting something good and somewhat healthy from a cart seems a bit far fetched! More often, I’ll grab a dirtwater dog from a cart in the city when I’m struggling for something hearty to eat on the go (and it’s cheap!).  A hot dog with a bun is roughly 9 points, so it’s definitely an indulgence.  But something about a hot dog from a cart is just so darn satisfying!  It’s portable, it’s salty, you can load ketchup and mustard on top.  It’s so simple, yet  layered with flavors.  I’m hungry, can you tell?  

Anyway, only in NYC the street meat has gotten a gourmet makeover…see below, from NY Post.

 

http://www.nypost.com/seven/08052009/entertainment/food/all_trucked_up__183084.htm

The 5 Worst Sandwiches in America

Just because it SOUNDS healthy, doesn’t mean it is…

Beware!

Better yet, make your own sandwich and brown bag it once and a while.

I had a similar incident at Panera.  I got a healthy sounding grilled chicken sandwich without knowing the nutritional information.  I enjoyed it and then went home and got on the Panera site to figure out the points.  Oy vei!  It was a 13 pointer!  I couldv’e had a Big Mac for the same 13 points and probably enjoyed it more!

This is why I love that chain restaurants have to post calories for all their items in NYC.

The 5 Worst Sandwiches in America

The sandwich is the on-the-go meal of choice. When you don’t have time for utensils and dishes, the sandwich is a natural go-to.

Unfortunately, these once-simple meals are getting more complicated: From wraps to paninis, and ciabatta, semolina and sourdough, there’s an entire armada of doughy choices and sandwich varieties. But which are good for you? Which will deliver protein and other nutrients and help you stay in fighting trim?

Here’s a hint: Some of the worst offenders carry innocent-sounding words like “chicken” or “salad” or even “vegetarian” in their names. Before you pick up a sandwich, make sure you know just what’s lurking below those innocent-looking loaves. The new book “Eat This, Not That! The Best (& Worst!) Foods in America” catalogs the best and worst sandwiches in America. Making simple swaps like these every day will help you eat what you want and still lose 10, 20, or even 30 pounds in the course of a year!

Worst “healthy” sandwich
Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Chicken and Artichoke

• 980 calories
• 55 g fat (13 g saturated)
• 2,240 mg sodium
• 76 g carbohydrates

Equivalent: As many calories as 16 Fudgecicles

Nothing sounds healthier than some nice grilled chicken and artichokes, right? Well, chances are, you’ll seriously regret choking down this calorie-fest. It’s one thing to have a fatty, highly caloric burger, but when a sandwich sounds this diet-friendly, it’s particularly egregious. You’re much better off sticking with a simple, lean entree like the chicken spiedini.

Eat this instead!
Grilled Chicken Spiedini

• 360 calories
• 10 g fat (2 g saturated)
• 1150 mg sodium
• 17 g carbohydrates

Worst vegetarian sandwich
Blimpie Special Vegetarian (12”)

• 1,186 calories
• 60 g fat (19 g saturated)
• 3,532 mg sodium
• 131 g carbohydrates

Equivalent: As much sodium as 86 saltine crackers

“Vegetarian” doesn’t automatically translate to “healthy.” Sure, this sandwich has vegetables, but it also has three different kinds of oil tucked into a hulking 12” roll. No wonder it contains more than half a day’s worth of calories and a cascade of carbs.

Eat this instead!
VeggieMax on Wheat (6”)

• 499 calories
• 21 g fat (6 g saturated)
• 1,212 mg sodium
• 50 g carbohydrates

Worst meaty sandwich
Subway Footlong Meatball with Cheese

• 1,260 calories
• 54 g fat (22 g saturated)
• 3,570 mg sodium
• 142 g carbohydrates

Equivalent: Same calories as 42 onion rings (from Burger King)

Jared may be able to hold up those huge pants next to his svelte frame thanks to Subway, but we guarantee his weight-loss diet did not include this belt breaker. But luckily, there are only two things that will get you into trouble at Subway: footlongs and hot sandwiches. The best bet is to stick to a 6” ham, turkey or roast beef — if you’re extra hungry, double the protein for only 50 to 80 more calories.

Eat this instead!
6” Double Roast Beef

• 400 calories
• 7 g fat (2.5 g saturated)
• 1,410 mg sodium
• 47 g carbohydrates

Worst fried chicken sandwich
Chili’s Buffalo Chicken Crisper Bites

• 1,620 calories
• 100 g fat (21 g saturated)
• 5,380 mg sodium
• 123 g carbohydrates

Equivalent: Same fat as 28 scoops of Edy’s Loaded Cookies and Cream Ice Cream

These sandwiches may look cute, but they’re far from harmless. At Chili’s, the words “bites” and “crisper” translate into calorie-packed sauces and a bucket of frying oil. You can taste the same bold flavors and save more than 1,000 calories by opting for the Fajita Pita instead.

Eat this instead!
Fajita Pita Chicken

• 460 calories
• 13 g fat (2 g saturated)
• 1,400 mg sodium
• 52 g carbohydrates

Worst sandwich in America
Quiznos Tuna Melt (Large)

• 1,760 calories
• 133 g fat (25 g saturated, 1.5 g trans)
• 2,120 mg sodium

Equivalent: Same calories as 12 Budweisers (bottles)

The classic tuna melt is, in our eyes, a travesty of healthy eating. They’re taking one of the leanest, smartest foods out there — tuna — and bombarding it with an ocean of mayo and a flood of cheese. And Quiznos takes it to the next level with their outrageous serving sizes. You’re much better off with a flatbread sammie — heck, make it two! You’ll save at least 1,000 calories.

Eat this instead!
Sonoma Turkey Flatbread Sammie

• 280 calories
• 14 g fat (4 g saturated)
• 740 mg sodium

Burgers with no buns.

So why in the HELL did I decide to join Weight Watchers on a Monday?  I’m an emotional cutter!  Having to go in every Monday and get weighed is so nerve wracking.  On Monday there’s no opportunity to correct what you did over the weekend.  Lots of people in WW meetings talk about drinking all their extra weekly points allowance (WPA) in alcohol on the weekend and then struggling to lose weight.  Now, I’m not much of a drinker for a couple of reasons:

1.  If I’m ingesting calories, I kinda want them in SOLID form.  I could have a glass of wine OR a slice of cheddar.  Get me a cracker!

2.  I don’t exactly have the best reputation for holding my liquor.  Three drinks and I’m a wreck, which isn’t really fun the next day (once you’re over 25).

3. I’ll admit, I don’t really like the taste of alcohol, so that makes it a whole lot easier to resist.

My extra WPA gets spent on eating out over the weekend with friends.  “Let’s get brunch!”  “Let’s meet up for dinner!”  I love meeting up with friends in a more intimate setting (like a restaurant as opposed to a club) and of course, I love to eat.  So going out to eat with a friend seems like a perfect outing for me.  The problem with this is that the socializing is set around food (instead of around you and your friend) and it’s hard to have will power when you’re friend is ordering a giant bowl of fettucine alfredo or a cheeseburger with fries. Suddenly your grilled chicken with a side of spinach seems downright BORING!  and you’re thinking, well, what would happen if I have fettucine alfredo?  I’ll still lose this week…right?  WRONG!

So the good news is, I was shockingly down at WW this week, a whole .2 of a pound.

A Poem, by Marie I.

Got weighed in and down point 2

Lil less skin and smile I do

Kinda small loss, not even half a pound

But I still celebrate because I'm less round

Leader asks me this week what u gonna do

To lose more weight and maybe lose

More ounces that will combine

To make huge loss and blow your mind?

I went out to eat last night with some friends at the famous L&B Spumoni Gardens.  I had a friggin slice of pizza as a chaser to rigatoni bolognese (read: bad idea).  L&B is famous for 3 things: square slices of pizza, rice ball parmigiana and spumoni.  I’m proud to say I had a sampling of all three last night. And, hell, I enjoyed it!  I even had a ton of rigatoni bolognese left over to have for dinner tonight.  My husband had plenty of his fettucine alfredo too, so he figured we’d just have that for dinner.  And in the last six months (while my weight loss has slowed) he probably would have been right.  But, not tonight, I gotta get on track.  So I defrosted some chop meat I had in the freezer and made spinach/feta burgers.  I haven’t been grocery shopping since before my wedding (tragic), but I was able to pull it together.  Beef chop meat, crumbled feta with Mediterranean herbs, grill seasoning, onions, garlic and spinach.  All rolled into a burger that I ate atop a bed of lettuce (no bun!!).  It was delish and my husband ate my leftover rigatoni and said it was just “okay.”  See, I didn’t miss out on anything.  There will be many more bowls of fresh pasta with my name on it.

So my answer to my WW leader today when she asked “whats the one thing you can do this week to lose weight?”

ME: Write down everything I eat (we call it journalling), get to the gym, and stop double fisting 100 calorie packs of Cheetos.

Oh, if only it were that easy!

First Weigh-In In a While/My soul

July 27, 2009 3:49 pm, New York, NY

I’m going to admit I’m scared.  Very scared.  I can’t even remember when my last weigh-in at Weight Watchers was and on top of that I couldn’t find my membership book this morning!  I looked up my stats on the WW website (which keeps meticulous records of your weigh-ins if you input the info), and the last date I weighed-in was JUNE 8!!  Oh boy, this can be very good (lotsa lost weight) or very bad (maybe I shouldn’t have had that scoop of Spumoni last night).

<<I wrote this post last Monday before my trip to WW.  I never finished it, probably because I was too embarrassed to admit I’d gained.  Now, look, I was up 1.2lbs, which I’ll admit is minor.  But I haven’t had a loss in a long time so I was feeling especially bad for myself.  I had a crazy week, traveling to Boston and Atlanta for work, and basically eating my way thru it with stops at Steak n’ Shake and Chick-fil-a.  I’m going to go out on a limb (not really) and say, I’ll probably be up again at WW tonight.  Is it the end of the world?  Will I completely give up?  Will I feel hopeless and helpless.  I might.  But, I won’t give up, I won’t stop counting points and making smarter choices.  I won’t.  I can’t.

I said to a friend last night, while discussing my weight loss journey.  “For the rest of my life, I will have the soul of a fat person.”  She said, “That’s so interesting you say that.”  But that’s exactly how I feel, no matter how much weight I lose and keep off, I have to remember what it was like to be at my biggest.  If I can remember, I can keep the weight off.  I can say, “I don’t need that Oreo.  I know what Oreo’s taste like.  I don’t need to eat that one.”

And honestly, I’d rather have my soul (fat though it may be) than have no soul at all.>>