Today is Thanksgiving. A day of thanks and eating ridiculous amounts of food to prove to the world that here in the United States we can afford to eat ourselves into oblivion! Everyone dons their favorite stretchy pants for the occasion so that they can eat and eat and never feel the sting of pants getting snug, or buttons that need to be popped.

Think about this for a minute.

This is disgusting. Am I right?

An old WW leader of mine used to say that his mom made the most amazing Thanksgiving stuffing muffins (I have no idea what they are but they sound amazing) and that every year on the big day he would gorge himself on them. As a means of avoiding this toxic behavior he finally learned to have his mother make them a few times a year – rather than once a year – so that they were no longer a “treat”, no longer something you must eat before it disappears for another 365 days. I always thought this was a tricky maneuver because I would think that if they were available to you MORE often you’d eat more.

Today I’m wearing jeans (not stretchy pants) and trying to pace myself throughout the day. All I’ve had so far is 3 Hershey Kisses and half a plate of ziti. We are about to sit down to some antipasto, which is my favorite part of any holiday meal.

I’m going to be thankful that I have food to eat, family to laugh with and that I have the awareness to take it easy today and stop eating when I’m full. Of course, that’s half the battle.

Have a great day today! Enjoy the food and drink and company, and, as always, thank you for reading.

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When I was 14 I read Gone With the Wind.  I was so obsessed with it, that I didn’t even want to put it down during classes.  I would hide my tattered paperback copy under my desk and sneak it out when the teacher wasn’t looking.  I really couldn’t put the thing down!  When I decided to dig out my Scarlett O’Hara replica dress for Halloween (that’s a whole different post entirely) I started to get nostalgic for my love of GWTW.

I suppose it started this summer when Ran and I visited my cousin in Atlanta and went to the Margaret Mitchell House.  We went on a tour of the “dump” – a.k.a the apartment where Ms. Mitchell wrote GWTW in the 1920’s.  Then of course we had to exit the building through the gift shop (they are so clever!) where I delighted in all the memorabilia available to me!  I spent $100 on a Christmas ornament, a book mark for my mom, a framed portrait of a GWTW poster and a refrigerator magnet proclaiming, “In a weak moment I have written a book.” (Margaret Mitchell).

I promptly downloaded GWTW to my kindle and started devouring it with the excitement of a 14-year-old!  I couldn’t stop clicking “next page” over and over.  Every night I wanted to stay up late to read just ONE more chapter before bed.  I was surprised to see what a great book it still was, even though I’d already read it and basically have the film memorized.

Last week, I finished it.  And I went through that phase where you’re trying to read the last few chapters as slow as you can to make it last as long as possible.  It was marvelous.

Serendipity struck when I realized the Blu-Ray of GWTW was coming out on November 17th.  My old VHS copy is buried at my mother’s house, so I figured I was due for a new one.  It arrived in the mail on Saturday and Ran and I instantly plopped down on the couch for a GWTW-athon.  The technicolor was more rich than ever, Scarlett’s charm and green eyes dazzled, Rhett was handsome and cool.  Oh it was magnificent!

Now that’s only half the story.  I neglected to tell you about the spread of food Ran and I had to put out before we watched GWTW (Entenmann’s mini-donuts, Tim-Tams, Tostitos and Dip).   It was totally indulgent (and PMS fueled on my part) and completely unnecessary.

On Monday, when I vowed to count points (and I did!) we had our regular Monday meeting at work.  This time one of my co-workers brought his famous home-made carrot cake for Thanksgiving!  I ate very light on Monday mostly because I had no appetite from being sick.  But I definitely had an appetite for home-made carrot cake!  Oh, I had the smallest most “Hyman Roth” slice that there ever was.  I logged it in at 6 points.  I did not let it unravel my day though and that was the triumph.

Wednesday is my high school reunion.  It’s been a cause of some anxiety among my friends and for me too.  The last thing I want is to look fat.  Monday was really “do or die” for me.  I had to get back on track to have some confidence walking into my reunion and not to feel like a failure or just a plain old fatty.  Even if I didn’t lose an ounce between Monday and the party on Wednesday night, I didn’t care.  I just want to walk in knowing that I am in control of what I eat and what I weigh.

Tomorrow I get to rummage through my closet and find a dress to wear.  Let’s hope it’s not as bad as Reconstruction in Atlanta.

I’ll let you know how it turns out, because, in a weak moment, I have written a blog.

One Fine Day

November 24, 2009

I haven’t had ONE GOOD DAY on Weight Watchers in weeks.  I’ve made some attempts at it.  Start off the day tracking on my eTools at work, then lunch happens and a little bit of disaster strikes.  The frigging catered lunch at work!  Argh!  Stupid wraps from Toasties that I can’t resist.  They aren’t even that good, but it’s something about the allure of free food.  My co-workers can practically smell the leftovers coming down the hall from the conference room.  The leftovers are deposited on the table in the center of our work area and people come crawling out of every cube.  It’s as if no one has ever seen a turkey/brie wrap before!  The sandwichs are no longer fresh, and as I said before, they weren’t even that good to begin with!  But people want them!

I can usually pass on the wraps without a problem.  It’s normally the cookie tray that I can’t walk past without grabbing one.  The cookies from Toasties are VERY good (perhaps to make up for the lousy wraps?) and have to be at least 3 points per cookie. Lately, I’ve had a lot of meetings and not been able to say no the crappy catered food.  No doubt that has unravelled many of my days.  Once I can’t track lunch, I just give up.  I eat whatever I want for dinner and then have dessert to top it off!  I keep saying, I’ll start fresh tomorrow, only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Plus, I always remembered this guy at my old WW meetings from 2005 saying, “Dont eat the crap at work!” like it was yesterday! Why was I eating the crap at work?  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I found myself feeling more and more out of control.  Eating copious amounts of Town House crackers for breakfast instead of making myself a bowl of cereal.  100 calorie packs up the wazoo!  Haven’t picked up a measuring spoon or used my WW food scale at all.  It was bad.  Oh and I didn’t even tell you about the noodles.  These stupid noodles were 10 for $10 at the Stop N Shop by my mother’s house and I’m ashamed to report that I’ve eaten them for dinner about 6 times in the past two weeks.  I didn’t even bother to figure out the points.  The flavor packets in the Shrimp version kinda grossed me out – but I still ate it.  Oh well.  I figured (for a moment) that it was an improvement on frozen Smart Ones, (um, no, Marie.).

When I’m not counting points, I feel so crazed.  Like I don’t know what to do, when to eat, I don’t know if I’m hungry or if I’m eating just to eat.  It’s very uncomfortable.  I feel so un-like myself.  It’s weird.  I have this crazy double life suddenly.  Half of me is relieved.  I’m eating what I want, I feel free!  The other half of me is so twisted, sad and wants to scream out for help.  This usually happens when I don’t go to WW meetings.  The meetings usually keep me on track or at least help me get back on the track.  I haven’t been to a meeting in like 3 weeks.  And, look, I’ve got all the excuses in the book, “I was sick”, “I’ve been rehearsing a play”, “Work has been crazy”, “My tux never came back from the cleaners!” (Blues Brothers, anyone? anyone?)  But, none of these excuses would be excuses if I didn’t let them be.  I’d say “screw it” and get my ass to a meeting NO MATTER WHAT.

So today, I set out to just have ONE FINE DAY.  Not a lifetime, not a month, not even a week.  Just one day.  If you can string together 3 good meals today, you can do it again tomorrow.  Take it one day at a time.  Today was the first day of the rest of my WW life.

Everything went to pot…

November 23, 2009

I’m not even sure what that saying means, but in this case, it means, the Yankees won the World Series and my life became totally disorganized and “went to pot.”

My sincerest apologies for neglecting you, Cheese!

I promise to get back on the band wagon of writing this week.  Having Thursday-Sunday off should be a big help in re-charging my writing batteries.

I will briefly report to you that I’ve been sick with Flu like symptoms and strep throat, so I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time on my couch eating Ramen noodles and the like.  So not healthy.  I haven’t counted a WW point in weeks, sad. And I had my annual Thanksigiving party last Saturday where I was introduced to Chocolate Eclair cake, which was heavenly.

I have my 10 year High School reunion to look forward to on Wednsday, so I’ll be eating lite in anticipation of it.  So far today, I’ve only had tea.  Tried to buy a banana from the fruit lady, but her stand was unattended!  So I’ll have to try and get some fruit later in the day so I’m not tempted to eat the 100 calorie packs in my desk!

More to come when I can write with a clear mind.  Now I’m at work trying to dig out after being sick for 2 days last week.

Thanks for reading and being here!

 

 

 

 

My hand-me-down skirt

November 3, 2009

In the winter of 2008 my boss brought in 3 enormous bags of clothes to the office.  She said I could have any or all of it if I wanted, because it no longer fit her.  She had lost weight.  Whoopie.

I had just started on my weight loss journey in February 2008 and wasn’t really ready to start buying new skinny clothes.  I took the bags home, went thru them and decided that all of it was never going to fit me.  There were mostly size 10s and 12s and at that point, there was only 1 skirt that I could even get on my chubby little body.  It was a black cotton skirt and it fit, no doubt, because it was the skirt equivalent of “sweat pants”.  A soft gray Anthropologie skirt sized 12 almost fit, so I decided to keep that too.

I went back into the office and told her the outcome.  She insisted I keep more, she said, “You’ll get there”.  I thought to myself, “My days of wearing 10s and 12s are over.”

So, I kept more of the clothes.  Some pants from Banana Republic, a zig-zag pattern skirt from Michael Kors, many black button down shirts, and more black skirts than anyone should own.  As my weight loss continued, I started showing up to work wearing these pieces and each time my boss would congratulate me.

The Michael Kors skirt became a favorite of mine and I loved getting compliments when I wore it.  It was one of those pieces of clothing I would have never bought for myself.  It had to be over $100, easily, and for me, that’s just too much to spend on 1 skirt.  That was the great thing about these hand-me-downs too, most of it was great quality stuff that had hardly been worn.   None of it was crap from Target, if you know what I mean.

Today, after not losing or gaining at WW last night, I am wearing that size 12 Anthropologie skirt.  I was afraid to try and put it on this morning, afraid that it would buckle at the seams.  It didn’t.  It glided on without a problem and has been quite comfortable all day.  It’s even a little big!  Such a good feeling to be in clothes that fit you right.  A better feeling than what any food could provide.  It was a good reminder to wear that skirt today. Reminded me that I have come a long way, that I will go farther and most of all, that not all successes are measured by tenths on the scale.

I’m gonna kick this week in the pants and lose some weight.  My WW leader Ellen always ends her meeting with, “who’s coming back next week? who’s losing weight next week?”

Me and Me.

As promised, I went to Weight Watchers tonight.  The verdict: no loss, no gain.  I’ve maintained my weight for this week.  This is cause to celebrate.  I ate this weekend, didn’t count points and still no gain.  A good thing, indeed.  Also, I’m a firm believer that your weigh-in is only as good as you were 2 weeks ago.  It takes 2 weeks for a gain or loss to fully register, in my world anyway.  So this is a good thing, I was incredibly afraid that I’d gain this week and have to go home and kill myself.  Oh the drama!

On another note, the Yankees are losing right now and Ran is cursing at the TV in Hebrew.  Oy vei!  I had visions of getting all snuggly on the couch tonight with some leftover buffalo chicken dip and having a great American pig out.  Thankfully, I got home and had an attack of reality.  I had some leftover chicken from the one I roasted last week and decided to make a casserole out of it.  Now that I’m a pro at the Sauce Bechamel from Mastering the Art of French Cooking, I am going to find as many ways to use it as possible.  The recipe went as follows: Sauce Bechamel with cheese (grated Swiss and Feta), half a pound of pasta, spinach and left over chicken.  This was one of those “clean out the fridge” type of dishes.  I halved the Bechamel recipe and only used half of a pound of pasta, because I’ve learned that as must pasta as I make, I eat.  Not good.  Added the spinach to give it a florentine kinda feel and to get those veggies in.  I was pleased with how it came out.  Tasty, substantial, lots of spinach and I felt good having cleaned out some of the stuff in my fridge (the cheese, frozen spinach and leftover chicken).

I’m really glad I had some exposure to Mastering because I feel like it’ll probably be a great source of ideas for me.  I probably won’t make many recipes to the T, but I’ve already found a way to make the Bechamel with 1% milk and light butter.

I’m bummed I didn’t lose even .2 tonight, but it’s okay.  The main idea is to keep on, keepin’ on.

 

 

 

Food Hangover…Ugh

November 1, 2009

We had a great halloween party last night!  I made some treats including a buffalo chicken dip, a macaroni and cheese caserole and penne ala vodka.  The party was full of nibbles: Yasmin’s special Spinach Dip (she still won’t give me the recipe!), Shireen’s Oreo truffles (heavenly), a cheese platter, guacomole, margaritas, and cupcakes from the Cake Boss guy in Hoboken.

I tried everything except the cupcakes (had no room left!) but they looked so adorable and delicious.  I did the most damage on the buffalo chicken dip and mac and cheese.  I even had a margarita! 

I didn’t count any points, but I did eat light all day so I could indulge a bit at the party.  I didn’t dive into any Halloween candy so I consider that a triumph.  Last year, I finally realized that Halloween candy and I had a love/hate relationship.  Every year I buy a bunch of candy, fill my special halloween themed bowl and wait for Trick or Treaters.  The T or T’ers never show, and I end up eating all the candy!  You know how it goes, a Snickers here a Kit Kat there and before you know it, the bowl is empty.  So last Halloween I resisted and didn’t buy any candy.  Still no T or T’ers came, so no one missed the candy.  This year, I tried to find my Halloween themed bowl (for the party! not for candy, I swear) and I couldn’t locate it.  Ran thinks he remembers me throwing it out so I would never fill it again with dangerous goodies.  Maybe I did.  Or maybe I’ll find it when I unpack the Christmas decorations, who knows.

I woke up really early this morning with a bilious attack.  A sign of a little too much indulgence the night before.  I’m not much of a drinker, so maybe it was the margarita mixed with the food and fatigue.  Perhaps mac and cheese leftovers for breakfast isn’t the best idea!  I’m gonna go try to fall asleep a little while longer. 

I don’t get weighed-in till Monday, but I’m happy with this week so far.  Been good, didn’t go crazy at the party and getting back on the wagon right now.

At the party last night, someone asked me “Shouldn’t it be getting easier to lose weight, not harder?” 

Food for thought, indeed.

 

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