Love Louder gratitude quote
Today’s quote from Preston Smiles was all about practicing gratitude in tough times. As a business owner, everyday there are new challenges – whether its my clients, teammates, kids, colleagues, fellow human beings, whoever! There’s always wall kicking moments.
 
But I can’t afford to let those wall kicking moments turn into a pasta/chocolate fest on the couch in front of Mad Men reruns (anyone else do that?) Because I have too much do achieve in this life and too many people looking to me for leadership. I have so many goals to achieve that I literally can’t lose a day to feeling sorry for myself. And believe me, I have lost plenty of days in the past 35 years doing just that. We call it “being in a funk” or “feeling out of sorts” or just being “in a bad mood.” It happens all the time, and we are so used to it as a society that we just accept it and assume it will pass. Or we act out in order to make the pain stop.
 
The only way I knew to get out of it before was to literally NUMB the pain with TV and FOOD. That was my only coping mechanism. Which means, I know the exact moment that Pete Campbell confesses his love to Peggy Olson on Mad Men, and that I’ve lost the same 20lbs 3x in my life. But it also means I haven’t achieved my weight/money/life goals yet.
 
So today, when I received some crappy news (nothing major, just annoying crappy stuff), and I felt the funk coming on I flipped a switch in my brain.
 
“What are 3 things you are grateful for in this moment?”
 
Despite the crappy news, despite people letting me down, being predictable, and generally not having integrity – What. Can You. Be. Grateful. For. Marie?
 
-my daughter singing Twinkle Twinkle to me today
-the very challenges I am pissed off about now are giving me an opportunity to grow
-incorporating music back into my life as part of a new chorus in my neighborhood
 
There’s tons of other stuff too, but 3 things seems manageable right now.
 
When you’re feeling the funk coming on, try it. Just stop and write down 3 things you are grateful for, and somehow it seems easier to deal with. If you can master this skill, then even when really horrible shit happens you can still find a ray of sunshine through the darkness. And that’s gonna come in handy someday, I can feel it.
Advertisements

Week 4: Ups and Downs

July 5, 2016

Posted by Ran Isner

I require restoring my integrity. My weekly results posts usually go out on Sundays and this week it didn’t. It didn’t because I didn’t do very well this week and I was trying to avoid telling you all about it.I didn’t eat very well this week and that’s not including this past weekend. I am having a hard time looking past the instant gratification I have from eating my favorite foods and if I am tempted, I will not hesitate to break my promise to myself and indulge. My results oriented mind wants me to do better every week and when I don’t measure up to my own expectations, I drown myself in guilt. Although it’s admirable to want to do better each week, it’s not always very realistic and being critical of myself is not conducive to growth.

However, this week wasn’t all bad. This week I went to my first Jiu Jitsu class at Brooklyn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu after I have been telling Marie for months if not a couple of years, that I was interested in trying it. As we all know from “Gone With The Wind” “wishin’ ain’t gettin'”. Me wanting to try something new doesn’t mean that it will magically appear before my eyes and fall on my lap. I had an interaction class with one of the teachers last Wednesday and then a full on class on Friday and I loved it! First of all it was fun just being around other adults and having that time to myself and secondly I finally got in a proper workout after two weeks of not doing nothing because of a groin injury. Since my goal is to finally discover those elusive six pack muscles I have heard so much about, I have been working out at home on my upper body and doing some strength training using my own body weight.

Now that I am going to be working out consistently, I require to step up my diet game and pay attention to what I am eating. If I am committed to  transformation then I require to transform my mindset around the food I consume.

There will be ups and downs but what I require to remind myself is that this is a process and there will be progress but also setbacks.

Posting two days late created a loss of integrity on my part and the way it affects you is that I promised to deliver my results On sundays no matter what. I made it about me and I have done a disservice to you, my audience. So from now on I will post my results on Sundays without fail and that is my promise to you.

 

Week 4 Results:

Weight- 154.6(+0.2 since last week, -2.1 since start)

Workouts-5( 2 home workouts, 2 Jiu Jitsu classes and a bike ride)

Cleanse days completed-1(today)

Book I am reading- The big Leap by Gay Hendricks

What I want to be acknowledged for this week:

I want to be acknowledged for taking the plunge and joining a Jiu Jitsu class!

About a month ago, I woke up and went to my networking group like I do every Thursday. But there was a weird feeling in the back of my throat, it was like a hunger pain and somehow strangely familiar.  I thought for a moment and then I realized, OH, this is heartburn. (Or at least my body’s version of heartburn).  I remembered this feeling from my 2 pregnancies when your stomach is so big and your whole body is outta whack.  But, I wasn’t pregnant and I didn’t know why it was happening.  For about a week I suffered with heartburn everyday.  I tried Tums, Prilosec, sleeping with my head elevated, coconut oil and apple cider vinegar.  Nothing helped, except eating more.  Grrreat.

I went to urgent care and they ruled out an Ulcer (thank the lord!) and send me to a specialist.  I went, he didn’t offer me any insights except, this is your life now – get used to it, and take Prilosec.  Then I thought, this can’t be my life.  I know there’s got to be another way to get better.  I’ve been studying these alternative methods for years since I did my health coach training in 2013.  I believe in the mind body connection.  There has to be an answer or another way, right?

The heartburn continued and none of the remedies were working.  Finally I called a naturopath that I knew of, deciding, maybe THIS would give me some insight.  $250 for a visit? FINE, whatever it takes!  Waiting a few days for my appointment to come, I did some deep feeling (not thinking, because I do that ALL the time) and some reflection with the help of my coach.  All my life, I have stuffed down my feelings of anger, resentment, loneliness and disappointment with food.  I didn’t always struggle with my weight, but as an adult I have.  I’ve had moments of brilliance (like losing 23lbs before my wedding) but I have never conquered this particular demon.  This time, I stuffed myself so much that I actually gave myself heartburn.

Since January, everything in life was going great (business making money, marriage strong as ever, and finances all in order).  I should have been happy and dancing around in the glow of all the abundance I’d just spent 2 years building up.  Instead, I was scared and what do I do when I’m scared?  I eat.  I was so afraid of all this goodwill and abundance, I literally made myself sick over it.  I was so uncomfortable being successful that I pulled away from it.  You guys, this is really sad.  Why would abundance and success be scary? Why would it be so uncomfortable that I would sabotage myself and MAKE myself uncomfortable again? Because it’s familiar.  It’s the struggle that I know.  I’ve always thought anything worth having had to be gotten through struggle.  Struggle to make money, struggle to save money, struggle to get promoted, struggle to communicate with others. Literally everything in my life was defined by the STRUGGLE that it took me to get there.  It defined ME. Then it hit me, in August, I did a personal development workshop where I created the possibility of “peace.”  What’s the opposite of struggle? PEACE.  I figured it out in AUGUST, but it wasn’t till now 6 months later that I realized why PEACE was my possibility.  It would remove the struggle from my life.  My life would be about peace, abundance, happiness and flow.  That sounds like a life I want to live.

And of course, my body would be healthy and fit, not weighed down by unnecessary armor.

The doctor and I met, and I had a release of emotions that I can’t even begin to describe.  She managed to ask all the questions that had been swirling around in my heart and I cried tears of joy, exhaustion, and relief for the first time in a while.  She recommended a very strict elimination diet for 14 days so I could determine what food sensitivities I might have.  I started that day.  No dairy, gluten, sugar, eggs, corn, soy, or peanuts.  It required some serious preparation, grocery shopping and cooking on my part.  I had to bring my own food a few places and tell people repeatedly, “I can’t eat that.”  But by day 3, I felt amazing.  I had a 7am meeting and then dinner plans that night and I managed to get through the day with steady energy.  I felt lighter (and was lighter because I released a few pounds) almost immediately.

I realized that day when I was goofing around with my kids on the couch playing tickle monster that I was unleashed!  I felt so free to be myself in a way that I hadn’t felt in years.  Of course, at home with my kids I can be myself, but I haven’t been because I was so preoccupied with my own drama.  I don’t know how eliminating all those foods elevated my emotional life, but it did.  Tonight is day 14 of this elimination diet and I told someone today about it (while eating my avocado toast on gluten free bread) that “I survived..well actually, I thrived.”  And I meant it, for the first time a while.

 

Reflecting on the past year, as my one year anniversary comes up with my nutritional cleansing journey, I realized that a few sentences on Facebook couldn’t do it justice.  Last year at this time I was just beginning my career as a health coach as was struggling inside because I knew I should weigh less and be healthier.  The sad truth is that I was eating very well and working out three times a week (more than I ever had), but I couldn’t get the scale to move. I was having a crisis, because I felt like a fraud to my clients.  I also wanted to get in the best shape I could before embarking on baby number 2.

Back in 2011 when I was pregnant with my son Dylan I thought I was pretty healthy.  Before becoming pregnant I had gained back all 23lbs that I’d lost before my wedding mostly due to some emotional messiness going on in my life.  My crutch had always been food and when times got tough – I got eating.  Before my wedding I spent a solid year on Weight Watchers and lost 23lbs – about .5lbs per week.  After my wedding in July of 2009 I started this blog. Without the deadline of a wedding looming I found it hard to keep motivated and to stay the course.  The harsh truth is that it is much easier to lose weight than to maintain it.  Without the weekly rush of my weigh-in and subsequent loss (woohoo!) I was lost.

When I became pregnant, I was back up the 23lbs and there was no turning back.  I did the best I could at the time to have a healthy pregnancy with my limited knowledge.  I remember insane sugar cravings (mostly at night) up until my diagnosis of gestational diabetes just 2 months shy of my due date. The night before my test I was so stressed out about it and felt so hopeless that I ate a sleeve or Oreo cookies to calm my nerves.  I was definitely in the midst of a serious sugar addiction.  Being pregnant for the first time was scary, stressful and brought out a lot of my inner demons.  Would I be a good mother?  Would I know how to handle a difficult baby?  Would my child love me?  How will I handle the changes to my life? When there’s a lot of stuff going through your mind, many of us try to squash it in all the wrong ways – drugs, alcohol, food and sex.

I remember the day my doctor told me I had gestational diabetes that I just sat in an empty conference room at my office and cried.  I was devastated.  She told me that there are contributing factors that may have led to it (being overweight, diet) but that mostly it’s a body chemistry thing.  I wasn’t going to need insulin to manage my diabetes, just diet control. That was the sliver lining. I went to the hospital weekly for diabetes counseling and learned how to check my blood sugar 4x per day.  (I remember crying that day too, when I realized what that entailed). I kept a record of my blood sugar for the nurse and had excellent results with my diet control. I was so happy to not have to actually use insulin like a friend of mine did (who was not overweight at all) that it may have been the only saving grace that got me through it. They also checked the baby’s weight weekly to make sure I wasn’t having a giant baby.  My son ended up being born at 8lbs4oz – a completely acceptable weight.

But those last 2 months of pregnancy were rough on me.  I was so swollen I had to buy new shoes.  My wedding rings didn’t fit anymore.  My back ached.  Plus is was the dead heat of summer so that certainly didn’t help either.  I had to stop taking the subway to work because I couldn’t manage the stairs.  I ended up driving to work and paying $20 a day to park my car just so I could get there with ease.  Thankfully I had a wonderful physical therapist at the time who massaged me a few times a week and helped me with my swollen limbs.  But a day after a massage it always came back – it was never gone.

Marie, 2011 about 28 weeks pregnant

Marie, 2011 about 28 weeks pregnant

 

Once I gave birth (about a week early) the nurse in the hospital tested my sugar and it was normal.  No more diabetes.  But I’ve been haunted ever since.  I keep thinking, “you’re gonna get it again.”  It runs in my family (on both sides) and now that I’ve had it once, I’m at a higher risk for it unfortunately.

Last summer a friend and fellow health coach was starting a 30 day nutritional cleanse and posted about it on Facebook.  I was immediately on-board.  I convinced my husband to do it with me and I went for it.  We had recently gone on vacation and gained about 5lbs eating at the buffet table in Las Vegas, so we were both motivated to make a change.  I could certainly feel that I’d gained weight despite taking this pretty good picture while on that vacation.

Marie & Ran Attend a Wedding August 2013

Marie & Ran Attend a Wedding August 2013

 

A friend told me I was glowing in the picture – and I was!  My healthier diet and lifestyle was showing through, but the scale just wouldn’t budge.  No matter what I tried I could never lose more than 3lbs.  Thank heavens nutritional cleansing came into my life. After the first week, I was down about 7lbs.  I was losing a pound a day.  On Weight Watchers it took me a month to lose the first 5lbs.  I remember it distinctly because we went out for sushi to celebrate!  I was following the plan and the weight was just coming off.  It was like a miracle.  My sugar cravings were decreasing, my clothes were fitting so much better and people started to notice.  My husband was also losing and feeling good.  At the end of the 30 days, we both lost 15lbs.  We felt on top of the world going to my 10 year college reunion and then my brother’s wedding.  I was so much happier and confident in my own skin.  Plus, I no longer felt like a health coaching fraud.

Iphone Import Feb 2014 4 012

Marie Before & After Cleansing

Marie Before & After Cleansing

 

I still had some demons to deal with and I did rebound a little around Christmastime with holiday eating, but I had the tools to manage my weight.  When I became pregnant I was down a pants size.  I continued my super food nutrition during my pregnancy and continued to eat the way I knew I should.  I had cheat meals and I submitted to some pregnancy cravings but it was NOTHING like the last time.  Now at 28 weeks pregnant, my engagement ring still fits.  My shoes still fit.  People are telling me that my face hasn’t changed at all (yet).  I’m working out regularly.  Best of all, I passed my sugar test 2 weeks ago and have been cleared of any and all gestational diabetes!! When an email from my doctor came through with the subject line “good news” I breathed such a heavy sigh of relief that my son asked me “What happened Mommy?”

If only I could explain what happened and how much I had to change to get to this point. Having a healthier pregnancy this time around isn’t just about me and my health, it’s about my unborn baby having a healthier womb to reside in.  Maybe labor and delivery will go easier this time.  Maybe losing the baby weight will go faster and my milk production will be more plentiful.  Maybe things will just be easier this time around because I’m coming from a much happier and healthier place.

Marie, 28 Weeks Pregnant enjoying a shake

Marie, 28 Weeks Pregnant enjoying a shake

 

I bought a juicer a few weeks ago after watching this documentary called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.

The man behind the documentary, Joe Cross, goes on a 60 days juice fast to heal himself from disease. I’ve done a juice fast for 3 days and at the time I thought that was quite enough for me, although I’m not nearly as sick as Joe was at the start of the film. Just to think about food as medicine seems kind of weird at first right?

We’re so programmed to go to the doctor for a prescription for things that the idea that the food could be the culprit is outside the box for most of us.

I do believe there are many instances where the doctor and the prescriptions are necessary, and I have great respect for doctors because it is one of the toughest jobs in the world. But, I have to admit that I am noticing more and more the connection between the food we eat and how we feel. Is it a simple case of “you are what you eat?”

According to “Savor” by Thich Nhat Hanh, “you are MORE than what you eat”.  Now there’s something to ponder.  How could I be MORE than the calories I take in?  Isn’t it all, calories in has to be less than calories out?

That’s what I always believed, until very recently when I learned about Primary Food.  The Institute for Integrative Nutrition says primary food is, ” Elements such as a meaningful spiritual practice, an inspiring career, regular and enjoyable physical activity and honest and open relationships that feed your soul and your hunger for living all constitute primary food.”  Understanding this definition has been eye-opening for me.  As I start to work with clients in my new health coaching practice, The Family Plate, I am realizing more and more that the concepts I will be helping people with most are not what foods to eat, but understanding Primary Food.  Of course, there will be plenty of discussion about what to eat, but being more than what you eat will be a larger component than I ever could have dreamed.  I’m so excited to get going with my clients to unfurl this idea with them.  The idea that maybe at the end of the day you need a good hug from your spouse instead of a bowl of ice cream could be revealing for some.

To put this idea to the test, I am going to do a little experiment.  What if every night when my husband comes home, I stop what I’m doing, go over to him and give him a long hug?  You know how crazy 6pm can be in a home, dinner’s going on the stove, baby needs a playmate, dog barking to go out – its mayhem sometimes when Ran gets home.  But I’m going to stop and hug him, and hopefully nourish us both with a little calorie free primary food.  Once I’m done with that hug, I’m going to grab up my baby and hug him too.  I want my family plate to be filled with love and not just the love of food, but the love of each other. I can’t say it better than the Beatles, All you need is Love.  Word.

Check out the trailer for this documentary, it’s available to watch on Netflix and is worth giving it a look.  Discover how a lack of primary food has led some of us to a dangerous place in our own bodies and how turning it around can create a wonderful positive ripple effect in the world.  Then, if you get the juicing bug, you can try my personal juice blend.  Happy Friday all!

@affairwitcheese  @thefamilyplate

 

You know I’ve tried everything at this point.  Vegan, vegetarian, juice cleanses, excessive work outs – everything.

It worked to lose all the weight I gained having my son and it’s working in keeping my weight the same for over a year. (Maintaining is harder than losing sometimes).  But, now that I want to lose more I’m stuck.  As part of my health coach training I have been learning over 100 dietary theories, and of course, as you learn about them you want to experiment with them.  So I did, I tried being vegan, being vegetarian, I tried Paleo diet, gluten-free, in short, I’ve tried them all.  Everything would work for 3-4 lbs of loss and then I’d even out.  I’d stop seeing results on the scale and would lose heart, and put back on the 3-4 lbs.

About a month ago, I hit a rough patch, something (I didn’t know what) was coming over me causing me to be tired, cranky and hungry.  A very bad combination indeed.  I was basically following a low carb diet at that point but was still suffering from sugar cravings.  My diet had evolved dramatically from cereal for breakfast to one egg with spinach.  Snacks were no longer low fat yogurt and instead were a handful of raw nuts.  I was eating superfoods like Chia Seeds and Goji berries.  I was making Vegan Pudding and Chia Pudding.  The days of eating a box of Oreos were long behind me, but something still persisted inside of me.

It was an uncomfortable feeling for sure, and when something is uncomfortable I have been trained (unfortunately) to gravitate toward food.  So I overate a bit, I got tired and then I slept.  Then I remembered that every May I usually get the flu and end up in bed for 2 weeks.  I used to think it was because in May I used to do community theatre and would burn the candle at both ends a bit too much.  But I haven’t done that in a few years so that doesn’t explain it.  Then I thought, well it’s my allergies – which it could be.  Thankfully this year I didn’t actually get the flu – but I got the fatigue and no other symptoms.  I felt awful for 2 whole weeks.  I never really figured it out until I discovered it could just be a bit of boredom.  But I think it’s more than that.  I think when the Springtime arrives it brings back a lot of feelings for me of being a child and looking forward to the summer.  It was such an exciting prospect.  The thought of having total freedom from routine and being able to take everyday as it is.  Spending some days outside with friends playing in the yard, some rainy days inside playing cards or make-believe, and some nights having sleepovers with my girlfriends where we’d talk about boys.  As an adult, there’s still some fun summer stuff to look forward to, but I have to admit it’s not necessarily as exciting.  I used to look forward to having summer Fridays in my office, but now I don’t have an office!  Of course there is the beautiful weather to look forward to, and maybe a vacation.  But its not as special as it once was.

There is a concept I have been learning about while in school called “Primary Food”.  Primary Food is best explained by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, “Primary foods feed us, but they don’t come on a plate. Elements such as a meaningful spiritual practice, an inspiring career, regular and enjoyable physical activity and honest and open relationships that feed your soul and your hunger for living all constitute primary food.”

Once I’d tried every dietary theory, cleaned my home, paid off my debts, even cleaned out a closet, all I was left with was Primary Food.  The secondary food (actual food that I was eating) had changed dramatically for the better, but it wasn’t enough.  This week I finally had to acknowledge what I’d been avoiding for the past few years.  I have some issues with my Primary Food.

Side note – It makes me think of when Ruth Fisher from Six Feet Under went to a self help seminar where all the language was around house metaphors like “renovations and fixing the cracks in your foundation”.  I’ve got some cracks in my foundation!! There are some issues with Primary Food I gotta clear up in order to slim down.

Maybe holding onto the extra weight was like holding on to some extra armor, in case things start to hurt in my heart, I’d have the extra padding to insulate the blow.  Nutritionists and Mayor Michael Bloomberg want you to think that it’s all about the bad food: salt, soda, fast food.  But what if it isn’t? What if you eat a great diet and have a regular exercise routine and you still struggle? What do you do when all else fails?

You look inward.  And it will hurt.  But when you come out the other side, you will feel lighter and you’ll move forward. And everything will fall into place.

I hope.

 

 

Hungry Heart

July 20, 2010

I often feel at my saddest moments that my heart has a hole in it and that nothing I can ever do can fill it back up again.  I keep trying though, I keep trying to fill it with all sorts of bad habits.  Shopping, watching TV, gossiping, and of course, eating.  One would think it would be more productive to try and fill it with good habits, so I’m working on that separately.  That’s why I write this blog, for instance.  We have an expression at Weight Watchers – of course I can’t remember exactly how it goes, but it’s something like “Are you hungry in your stomach or your heart?”

At first I used to think, “What’s the difference? I’m hungry, I want to eat now.”  (When hungry, I’m just a petulant child.)  Then I internalized that statement and sometimes when I have a little bit of will power and presence of mind, I ask myself that question, “Where are you hungry?”

Tonight, I can’t sleep.   No particular reason, just can’t seem to fall asleep. Tried reading in bed, tried turning off the light, even tried a little facebook and so far nothing has worked.  While sitting at my computer, I thought, “oh maybe I should eat something?”  Something with chocolate, something sweet, something to fill the hole in my heart.  Ugh, but I already brushed my teeth for the night and I don’t have anything good in the kitchen.  I just want to nibble, pass the time.  I sat at my computer and pondered this another moment. “Maybe you should write about this?”  Okay, I will.  Might as well, nothing else to do at 12:46.   I decided that I would write and I would eat.  I have about 10 cherries in my fridge.  Fresh, delicious, plump cherries.  Yes, I will eat those.  I nibbled, I wrote – it was nice.  So what are the “key learnings” here? (that’s something they would say at my job!) Key learnings:  1)don’t just eat because you feel empty, eat because you feel empty in your stomach.  2)No one ever got fat eating 10 cherries. 3)fill that hole with love, real love, not the love in a can of redi-whip – its fake whip cream and fake consolation for a black hole in your heart 4)go to bed Marie, it will all be alright in the morning

Like the song says, “Breaking up is hard to do.”

I’ve been through some rough break-ups (are there any that aren’t rough?). Usually there are tears, loads of time on the phone with girlfriends trying to make sense of it all, and of course, revenge fantasies!

I’ll admit, I’ve been rather tragic during some of my break-ups.
-Crying for six months (over a guy is just never warranted)

-Driving past his house

-Calling and hanging up (pre-caller id, Duh)

-Going out with someone else just to make him jealous

-Enlisting your friends to “keep an eye on him”

-Starving yourself before you know you’re going to see him so you look “super skinny and hot”

The list goes on and on.

I’ve thought a lot about break-ups lately, which is really weird, since I just got married (not breaking up!) and am in a very happy, healthy, stable relationship with my husband. But I’m not always in a happy, healthy, stable relationship with food. I’m finally breaking-up with myself in a way. I’m saying goodbye to the old Marie. The old Marie who would eat a sleeve of Oreos for fun. The old Marie who ate chicken parm for lunch…every day. The old Marie who believed food could cure a broken heart.

A couple of break-ups I went through, actually made me sick to my stomach that I couldn’t eat – but that hasn’t quite happened yet in my break-up with food. And by food, I mean, Oreos, chicken parm and Pringles.

Maybe food is the hardest break-up because you can’t really ever “stop seeing each other for good”. With a guy, you just break-up and then never talk again. Occasionally, you might stalk him out on facebook, but that’s the extent of it. Now with food, you can try and break-up cold turkey, but man, it’s hard. It’s so hard to put down that cookie dough at 2am when you can’t sleep.

I’ll admit, I have a few “long lost loves” I still think about. A few of, “the ones that got away” to still ponder. I’m married…not dead. There was the “first love” who I cheated on (high school style!), the second “first love” who I shared food with, “the player” who broke my heart so swiftly my head spun and the “bad guy” who was, a bad guy.

Sometimes when I’m travelling for work and walking thru an airport (looking like crap), I panic!  and think, “what if today is the day I’m going to bump into “the player”?  I don’t know why I think I’ll only bump into people at JFK, but I always think that.  And then there’s a row of really scary chain restaurants to cure my fears.  For a reformed overeater, going to the airport is like a drunk going to the bar.  There’s SO much temptation and you’re stuck there!  So, I usually slap on some make-up (just in case) and indulge in some airport food to calm my nerves.  I don’t need to tell you what a bad idea this is…

My food “long lost loves” include, Cambozola (spelling?) cheese on pita bread, meatballs, and Phish Food.  Sigh.

Someone posted a recent picture of me on facebook this week.  I looked at it with my usual critical eye and I thought, “hey, I look slim!”  I was thrilled.  That feeling is better than any food could ever taste.

Bye bye, meatballs!

Favorite Comfy Foods

August 5, 2009

My heart hurts.  I’m sad.  (Don’t want to depress you or anything).  I had a rough day!  It happens sometimes.  You get home from work and all you want to do is curl up on the couch with a giant plate of your favorite comfort food.  Gosh, I have SO many.  Pasta with butter, parmigiana cheese, salt and pepper.  A steamy serving, piled high in a pasta bowl.  I’m literally salivating over here writing this.  

How about just plain old mac and cheese?  Not that EZ Mac garbage, REAL mac and cheese.  Where you take the chunk of Cracker Barrel and grate it yourself.  Add an egg to the mix and bake it in the oven.  Cheesy, salty, creamy.  When you’re eating it, it almost seems like the problem goes away.  It’s gone while you dive in to that bowl of fill in the blank.

Pizza…ah pizza.  My ultimate comfort food.  Tangy tomato sauce, covered with cheese and pepperoni.  Heck, you don’t even need plates for pizza, just eat carefully over the cardboard box.

How about just a plain old chunk of cheese with a slew of crackers?  You can slice and slice and partner up the two and crunch on it and savor the creamy-ness of the cheese.  Something about the slicing is very satisfying too.  Each little nugget carefully sliced by you for you.  It’s like hunting for your food, without getting your hands dirty.  

Maybe that’s what’s missing now.  It’s too easy to get food.  You can dial it up from your couch (that you are curled up on) and you don’t even need to have cash!  So many places will take credit/debit over the phone.  Not having cash used to keep me from ordering in alot, but not anymore.  Now, we’ve discovered you can order Papa John’s by going on their website…I don’t even need to speak to someone to order anymore.  I can do it from my blackberry (and have).  No more laying a trap, cultivating a skill (see: Tom Hanks in Cast Away), or even gathering food by roaming the jungle.  Now you can drive thru (pay with credit/debit), run to the local Korean grocer, order in, or snack on whatever you have in the house.  And believe me, I’m never snacking on celery sticks.

When I have a rough day, unfortunately, I’m not one of those people who says, “I’m too upset to eat!” or (and I love this one) “I forgot to eat.”  Um, no.  I never “forget” to eat.  Usually being upset makes me more hungry.  I NEED that PJ’s pizza.  I must have a bowl of macaroni.  Dessert is a necessity.  (I can write a whole different post on chocolate being a comfort food.)

Food and Emotion, a large topic for sure.  Not something I can tackle in one post/thought.  Read “The End of Overeating.”  I am. He says about chain restaurants, (I’m paraphrasing), They aren’t selling you food, they are selling you emotion.

Why would I need to be sold emotion?  I have a shitload of my own that’s free.  Because mine sucks.  It’s good some days and bad the next.  It’s fickle, it needs to be tended to and taken care of.  And it’s really sensitive.  The emotion I can buy at TGI Fridays is so reliable.  Those mac and cheese poppers are always great, always satisfying.  They make me feel, something.  What, I don’t know. Maybe like a skinny person who doesn’t have to count points and worry about fitting into clothes.  Maybe like I’m allowed an indulgence every now and then.

Hmm.

I might actually be too upset to eat tonight.  Now, I know that eating PJ’s pizza – though good – isn’t going to fix anything.  Just make my pants fit tighter.   And make me feel worse once I swallow the last bite. “Why did I eat that?” Ugh.

Alright, let’s indulge without ingesting the calories.  Please post your favorite comfort foods.  Post it, and acknowledge that it’s just a food and not a miracle worker.  Goodnight.

%d bloggers like this: