My hand-me-down skirt

November 3, 2009

In the winter of 2008 my boss brought in 3 enormous bags of clothes to the office.  She said I could have any or all of it if I wanted, because it no longer fit her.  She had lost weight.  Whoopie.

I had just started on my weight loss journey in February 2008 and wasn’t really ready to start buying new skinny clothes.  I took the bags home, went thru them and decided that all of it was never going to fit me.  There were mostly size 10s and 12s and at that point, there was only 1 skirt that I could even get on my chubby little body.  It was a black cotton skirt and it fit, no doubt, because it was the skirt equivalent of “sweat pants”.  A soft gray Anthropologie skirt sized 12 almost fit, so I decided to keep that too.

I went back into the office and told her the outcome.  She insisted I keep more, she said, “You’ll get there”.  I thought to myself, “My days of wearing 10s and 12s are over.”

So, I kept more of the clothes.  Some pants from Banana Republic, a zig-zag pattern skirt from Michael Kors, many black button down shirts, and more black skirts than anyone should own.  As my weight loss continued, I started showing up to work wearing these pieces and each time my boss would congratulate me.

The Michael Kors skirt became a favorite of mine and I loved getting compliments when I wore it.  It was one of those pieces of clothing I would have never bought for myself.  It had to be over $100, easily, and for me, that’s just too much to spend on 1 skirt.  That was the great thing about these hand-me-downs too, most of it was great quality stuff that had hardly been worn.   None of it was crap from Target, if you know what I mean.

Today, after not losing or gaining at WW last night, I am wearing that size 12 Anthropologie skirt.  I was afraid to try and put it on this morning, afraid that it would buckle at the seams.  It didn’t.  It glided on without a problem and has been quite comfortable all day.  It’s even a little big!  Such a good feeling to be in clothes that fit you right.  A better feeling than what any food could provide.  It was a good reminder to wear that skirt today. Reminded me that I have come a long way, that I will go farther and most of all, that not all successes are measured by tenths on the scale.

I’m gonna kick this week in the pants and lose some weight.  My WW leader Ellen always ends her meeting with, “who’s coming back next week? who’s losing weight next week?”

Me and Me.

I need to do laundry.  I have 1 pair of pants that are clean (and work appropriate) and I’ve already worn them twice this week.

After my pig out last night (which ended with an Israeli pudding and a tiny piece of ice cream cake), I was not optimistic about my wardrobe this morning.  I dug into my closet and tried on a pair of size 10 Michael Kors pants that I have worn before but are admittedly, a little snug.

My friend Deirdre calls “a little snug”  being “bet into your clothes”.  “Bet” is the incorrect past tense of “beaten”.  She’s Irish and claims this is a common expression across the pond.  So, I looked in the mirror at my butt in the MK pants and decided I was a little too “bet” to wear them today without the appropriate blouse to cover the “bet-edness”.  The ladies all know what I’m talking about, the muffin top!

Charging into another one of my closets (there are 4 in my apartment!), I found an OLD pair of Gap khakis that I haven’t worn since Bush’s first administration.  I thought to myself, “there’s no way these are going to fit, but try ’em on to see how close you are.”  I put them on.  I got them on without zipping or closing them.  I thought, “well, there you have it, gotta loose another 10 lbs.”  But for some reason, I forged ahead and zipped those suckers.  They closed, the buttons fastened and I was in these size 10 khakis I bought in 2004.  Wow, what a feeling!  That feeling is better than any pudding or chunk of blue cheese I could eat.

I vividly remember buying these Gap pants in 2004 because, at the time, they were my fat pants.  I had recently started a new job with Lord & Taylor in NYC and needed “nice clothes”.  I was basically broke and not looking to spend more money on clothes, but nothing I had fit.  I went to Gap one day before work and bought two new pairs of pants, the aforementioned khakis and a pair of black pants.  I don’t remember what became of the black pants, except to say, that eventually I “grew out” of them (nice way to say they became too small to wear).  They were tossed.  Probably, when I did my “I’m too fat to wear these clothes and I’m never gonna fit into them again spring cleaning of 2007”.

Somehow, the khakis survived.  I think they did only because I had hardly worn them (when they did fit) and throwing out hardly-worn-perfectly-good pants is just SILLY!

Boy I am glad they survived, because I feel amazing today wearing them.  I even woke up my husband this morning for him to check and make sure they were not “inappropriate for work”.  He deemed them “perfectly fine”.

The funny thing is, moments like this actually motivate me to continue my weight loss journey that started back in February 2008.  Today I’m going to be super diligent! I’m going to track every morsel I eat, because I recognize that food does NOT have power over me.  I have power over me.

And let’s face it, that pig out last night was totally PMS induced and you just can’t fight hormones sometimes.  But, you can pick yourself up, dust off the crumbs and get back on track.  That’s what I plan to do.

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