Is Passion Overrated?

July 26, 2018

How many times have you heard someone our age (under 37) say, “My job is fine, I make good money and I like the people, but it’s not something I’m passionate about.”  And how many times to do you hear someone over 40 say it? Like almost never right?  They are on to something here.  The jadded ones might call it complacency, but actually I think it’s realistic expectations.  Something our generation (those born in 1981 or later – we don’t have a accurate name being sandwiched between Millenials and Gen Y) has yet to make peace with.

I have said this Passionless statement at least 100x so surprisingly, when I heard it from a friend a few weeks ago, it struck me differently.  Maybe hearing it from another friend, another time made me really think – “why are we so concerned with passion?”

How much passion is someone promised in one lifetime?  You want a passionate relationship with your spouse, you want passion in your work AND you want passion in your recreational activities (otherwise, why bother?).  To quote SATC, “you want passions on top of passions?”  For the longest time, my answer to that question was “Yes! I want to wake up each day just tickled pink to do my work, enthusiastic as hell to be with my children and tingling at the sight of my husband.”  And guess what? Day to day life doesn’t offer Passions on top of Passions, most of it is routine and small actions that hopefully eventually lead to something bigger (see: The Compound Effect).  And this left me feeling so hopeless and depressed.  I was expecting triple passions EVERY DAMN DAY and I wasn’t getting it, so therefore, I was a failure at life, love, and motherhood.  No wonder I was depressed.

The truth is, depression is something I have had to deal with a few times in my life, and I have always come out of it after a year or so.  Sometimes with the help of therapy, sometimes anti-depressants and sometimes it just goes away on it’s own. (Where’s the “confused” emoji with the hands up the air as if it say, “I don’t fucking know”?)

Unfortunately, lately there have been a string of high-profile suicides that make me stop and think for a moment.  These people in many cases are rich, famous, beautiful – why are they killing themselves? I always thought that if I was rich, famous and thin (I’m not even concerned with the beauty part) that I’d never be depressed again.  But of course, we can see it doesn’t work that way because too often there are beautiful famous people killing themselves with drugs, alcohol or sadly resorting to suicide.

I’m in no position to be the authority on this.  I can only speak from my own experience kike when I’ve felt, that maybe if I were dead the pain were stop.  Just a casual thought that rolls through on a incredibly low day.  Then I think, well that won’t work and I go for the cookies or something else to numb the pain.  I can only wonder how much pain must be present when that thought rolls through and you think, “yeah that’s the answer”.

My pain for now has stopped increasing though the past year hasn’t been easy.  I have been battling the depression just about a year now and I’m starting to wonder when it’s going to take a holiday.  I’m working on it in all the conventional ways and also dealing with some other underlying health issues, but I feel confident that I’m making progress.

So that’s why when this passion statement hit my in the face again, I decided to sit with it for a while.  I’ve been marinating on it.  And ultimately, this is where I landed, “How important is passion to my happiness?”

How important is passion in my job related to my satisfaction with the job?

How important is passion in my marriage related to my overall happiness in my choice?

How important is passion in my recreational life (not work, not family) related to my excitement for it?

I have a life coaching client right now and she told me that sometimes she’s bored at her job even though it’s something she loves and is successful at.  And I told her that job’s are repetitive, that’s basically the definition of a job.  Learn one thing and do it well, over and over and over again.  When I worked in cosmetics at Lord and Taylor do you know how many make overs I did?  A LOT.  Do you know how many times I gave the same training presentation when I worked in education for skincare brand? A LOT. Do you know how many times I have helped someone get started with their 30 Cleansing program and said the same script? A LOT.  This is what a job is, it’s repetition. And after a while, it can get boring.  It’s part of it.

So then we look to other areas of life to find that excitement.  Relationships, kids, friends, activities.  That can work.  Also making a lot of money at your job helps I think!

But it’s gonna happen so why are we so down about that? Why are we still looking for passion?!? Society tells us to.  Give up your boring job and chase your dreams kind of stuff.  Which, btw, I am not AGAINST.  What I’m against is putting all your passion eggs in one basket, regardless of which basket it is.

I think part of the reason I went into a depression last year is because I had happiness expectations that were taken from fantasy rather than from my own life.  For many years I’d had zero life outside work and family and that was really starting to stifle me (and make me lose passion for everything).  I had expectations on myself that were just not realistic.  I beat myself up over every little thing, all the time.  It was exhausting and it made me never appreciate when there was success or happiness, because I always felt like there was one more thing I could have done or done better.  It takes a lot of work to stop that cycle to, I’m constantly acknowledging myself for the little things to create a new, healthier, self-talk.

What would it be like to find happiness in the repetition of life? What would it be like to stop looking for passion in everything we do? What if we didn’t have to constantly try to “Have it All”?  What is life was all about ease?  Hmm, that sounds really good to me.  I’m going for that this summer, EASE.

 

 

 

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Posted by Ran Isner

Here we are, the final post of the “Light Yourself On Fire” challenge and the emotions are bittersweet. On the one hand, I am sad that it’s come to an end because I have put so much into it. On the other hand, I am happy because I know that my journey doesn’t end here.

I have been reflecting on this 16 week journey for the past couple of days and I cannot believe how much was accomplished during the time. I have created a healthy routine, I have held myself accountable to you and I have let go of things that have not been serving me and I was not open enough to acknowledge.

The most important one and the one that was affecting me the most was the overwhelming sense of guilt I’ve been living in for over a decade now. I have not allowed myself to be who I really was because I was feeling guilty about leaving my home in Israel and creating a new home here in the US. Guilt has almost broken up my marriage because I  refused to see that my actions were not serving the best interest of my family, meaning my wife and children, even though they are the world to me and I cannot imagine my life without them in it.

Owning up to me guilt has been instrumental in my transformation because it go me to reconnect with ME again and my soul so desperately needed that. It has deepened my connection with my wife because now I can truly express myself without any judgement and guilt. I am able to be present with my children and enjoy the moments we get to spend together. For the longest time I was so unhappy with who I have become and I felt that there was no hope.

Working on myself and understanding the events that have shaped my life have allowed me to be open to experience new things. Peta Kelly’s “The New Way Live” event in May is what inspired the “Light Yourself On Fire” challenge because it spoke about being the first one to do something so you can inspire others to do the same. The theme was about finding your jeaniius, the one thing that you can do so well that it is your moral obligation to share it with the world. I know now that I was put on this earth to change lives, to encourage people to find their own jeaniius and make a difference in this world. I gave myself the permission to operate from the space of love because I know n my bones that it emirates from me so brightly and that people deserve to know that they are loved and that they have permission to love, themselves and others. I call meek The Love Warrior because  love is the one thing worth fighting for.

I express gratitude every day and am thankful that I am where I am and that I am doing what aligns with my soul and that I am practicing to approach every thing I do with love.

I would like to thank you all for being a part of this journey and for holding me accountable to be the most honest, real me that I can be and for being my sounding board for my breakdowns and breakthroughs. This might mark the end of this challenge but it is most certainly not the end of this journey, it is merely the beginning. Life is lived in the present moment so it can never truly be the end.

Results:

Weight: 151.0( -5.5 since last week, -5.6 since start)

Cleanse days: 16 total for the challenge

Workouts: 42 ( 6 short of goal)

Books I have read:

  1. Love Louder by Preston Smiles
  2. The War Of Art by Steven Pressfield
  3. The Big Leap By Gay Hendricks
  4. 50 Ways To Yay by Alexi Panos

What I would like to be acknowledged for this challenge:

I would like to be acknowledged for finally loving myself enough so I could find the Ran that has been absent all these years. The Ran that dimmed his light so much that he was depriving the world of his true gift and his true sense of purpose. I would like to be acknowledged for focusing on the process and not the result.

I am a stand for all of you to find or re-discover what it is that ignites your soul and a stand for love and the notion that we all make an impact in other people’s lives. How are you going to light yourself on fire?

m-r-sing-jeff-combs

Marie & Ran Performing, 2015

Here’s a list of all the songs that inspired my Blog Titles for the Light Yourself on Fire challenge.  Music is a big part of my life so I am happy to have incorporated it into the challenge this way! Enjoy!

Week 1 – The Devil Within, by Digital Daggers

Week 2 – Silent Night, Sung by Bing Crosby

Week 3 – Big Shot, by Billy Joel

Week 4 – Put a Ring On It , by Beyoncé

Week 5 – It Don’t Come Easy, by Ringo Starr

Week 6 – Don’t Blow It, by Eyes Lips Eyes and Honorable Mention: Get Over It, by Ok Go

Week 7 – Anything Could Happen, by Ellie Goulding

Week 8 – You Only Wake Up When’s It Over, performed by Marie & Ran Isner

Week 9 – What’s Life Without Losers, by Mikhael Paskalev

Week 10 – Delirious, by Steve Aoki ft. Kid Ink

Week 11 – Can’t Hold Us, by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Week 12 – Birthday, performed by Paul McCartney & Ringo Starr, live at Radio City Music Hall 7/7/10, because I was there and I saw it live!

Week 13 – Carry That Weight, by The Beatles

Week 14 – Imma Be, by Black Eyed Peas

Week 15 – Stars 4-Ever, by Robyn

Week 16 – Just Like Fire, by Pink

 

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