I Get To Choose

June 8, 2016

Posted by Ran Isner

Life is all about choices. The choices we make tend to affect the direction our life goes, hell it affects literally the very next moment. Our reactions to events that occur to us and the way people occur for us are a direct result of our choices. This subject fascinates me, it really does, I mean why do we make the choices we do?

To be more specific, I am fascinated with choosing to be negative vs. choosing to be positive. I heard one of the presenters at the event last weekend say that we are conditioned to observe and notice everything that might be wrong because that’s how cavemen protected themselves from their predators. We are conditioned to be in a state of “fight or flight” because those were the only two options. That makes complete sense, doesn’t it? Can we agree that most of us choose to be safe rather than take risks? We will allow negative emotions dictate our choices. People choose being negative over being positive. Most people will choose to complain over being grateful a large percentage of times. People will tend to look at what they don’t have and complain about it rather than take stock of all the things they have accomplished and are grateful for. We spend so much of our energy and focus on everything that’s going wrong but we never stop to think that maybe we choose for it to be that way. Being negative is a choice and looking at life through that lens is a choice so the question is “How has that worked for you so far?”

A lot of the choices I’ve made in my life came from a negative place. They came from a place of guilt and unworthiness. I was afraid of what people would think and deprive myself of joy because I would feel guilty that I am placing myself over the people I love and the really screwed up thing is that I would then resent those people for depriving me of that when they had nothing to do with it, it was all me. That resentment lead to anger and for a long time I was really angry and I refused to admit it. What I came to realize was that I was ashamed of being so angry because deep down I knew that I chose to be angry and the reason is that I didn’t have to take responsibility and I didn’t hold myself accountable.

The bottom line is that it never worked for me. I held on to the guilt and the unworthiness because it allowed me to be a victim and when you’re a victim it’s easier to cope with things and for me being a victim meant that I could blame the whole world and not have to look inwards and be accountable.

I am trying something new. I choose to be positive, I choose to hold myself accountable and I choose to be grateful for all the good  in my life and there is so much good. I have an out of this world wife who has been encouraging me to see the greatness in myself every day. I have two beautiful children who teach me what love is every moment I spend with them. I am learning to accept what’s so, not good, not bad, just so. I am part of a Facebook gratitude group where I write 3 things I am grateful for at that given moment and I actually take the time to “smell the roses”.

I now know that I get to choose how my life goes and choosing things that nourish my soul and choosing to be grateful feels way better than choosing to feel guilty and unworthy. By no way have I mastered this practice but now I have the gift of observation where I notice that I get angry or frustrated or choose to feel guilty or unworthy and at that moment I can transform it.

I am grateful to have this platform where I can share and be as open as I can about my journey and I am grateful for you for being a part of this journey whether you are aware of it or not.

I love you and I will see you next week.

Ran

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