Hungry Heart

July 20, 2010

I often feel at my saddest moments that my heart has a hole in it and that nothing I can ever do can fill it back up again.  I keep trying though, I keep trying to fill it with all sorts of bad habits.  Shopping, watching TV, gossiping, and of course, eating.  One would think it would be more productive to try and fill it with good habits, so I’m working on that separately.  That’s why I write this blog, for instance.  We have an expression at Weight Watchers – of course I can’t remember exactly how it goes, but it’s something like “Are you hungry in your stomach or your heart?”

At first I used to think, “What’s the difference? I’m hungry, I want to eat now.”  (When hungry, I’m just a petulant child.)  Then I internalized that statement and sometimes when I have a little bit of will power and presence of mind, I ask myself that question, “Where are you hungry?”

Tonight, I can’t sleep.   No particular reason, just can’t seem to fall asleep. Tried reading in bed, tried turning off the light, even tried a little facebook and so far nothing has worked.  While sitting at my computer, I thought, “oh maybe I should eat something?”  Something with chocolate, something sweet, something to fill the hole in my heart.  Ugh, but I already brushed my teeth for the night and I don’t have anything good in the kitchen.  I just want to nibble, pass the time.  I sat at my computer and pondered this another moment. “Maybe you should write about this?”  Okay, I will.  Might as well, nothing else to do at 12:46.   I decided that I would write and I would eat.  I have about 10 cherries in my fridge.  Fresh, delicious, plump cherries.  Yes, I will eat those.  I nibbled, I wrote – it was nice.  So what are the “key learnings” here? (that’s something they would say at my job!) Key learnings:  1)don’t just eat because you feel empty, eat because you feel empty in your stomach.  2)No one ever got fat eating 10 cherries. 3)fill that hole with love, real love, not the love in a can of redi-whip – its fake whip cream and fake consolation for a black hole in your heart 4)go to bed Marie, it will all be alright in the morning

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One Response to “Hungry Heart”

  1. Best Friend said

    I hear ya sister!!

    Just so you know I happen to fall asleep late EVERY NIGHT and I promise talking to me won’t make you fat, and if you remember from the night before your wedding talking to me puts you to sleep.

    Love You!

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