Lowest Place on Earth

January 10, 2010

I’m afraid of losing my hair, drowning, being seen in public without foundation on and bathing suits.  It’s a shame really, because I happen to love the beach and taking the sun but the bathing suit always gets in the way!  Today Ran and I took a ride to the Dead Sea where there is a spa where I was told you don’t need an appointment to get a massage.  Well today must have been the busiest day at En Gedi spa because there were no massage appointments to be had!  We were a bit disappointed but then the girl at reception said that we could have access to the mud and sulfur baths if we wanted.  I didn’t even pack a bathing suit and now we’re talking about jumping in a sulfur bath!  Oy vei.

Last June when I was preparing to go on my honeymoon in Aruba I set out to buy a couple of bathing suits that were a) flattering, b) not too expensive and c) didn’t make me look “matronly” (Ran’s favorite word for the clothes I pick out).  I searched high and low and tried on dozens of suits in order to find 2 that I could live with.  One was from Kohl’s, $50 and labeled a “miracle suit” or something like that, that is supposed to make you look less fat.  It seemed like a good one so I bought it.  The second one I found was Ralph Lauren from Lord and Taylor and I don’t remember how much it was, but I think it was less than $100.  This one was (thankfully) not black and had blue and white polka dots on it.  Cute, check.  Plus I had one suit from the summer previous that cost me $150 at Macy’s but was super cute and reminded me of the red suit Miranda wears in Mexico in the Sex and the City Movie.  In the end, I had 3 suits to choose from and I was able to get ready for beach every morning without wanting to kill myself.  I spent weeks finding those bathing suits and it took hours of mental preparation.

Today, I had to buy a bathing suit of the rack in the spa gift shop with no time for all the conversations I need to have with myself in order to even PUT ON a bathing suit.  “Everyone is self conscious about themselves in a bathing suit.”  “Only models and people on TV look perfect in bathing suits.”  “You are not as fat as you think” “You have to walk tall and confident in order to pull this suit off.”

I went to the rack and it was a scary mish mosh of “mom suits”, bikinis (no way in hell) and your basic little black bathing suit.  I found one in aqua blue that was kinda cute and sexy for a one piece and tried it on.  There was no time to mess around, no time to obsess over it, no time to cry in the fitting room.  There was just time to find a suit that suited me and get on with it.  This was possibly the easiest trial I have ever endured with bathing suits in my adult life.  I tried on the blue one and 1 other in less than 5 minutes.  The blue was better but had a little hole in it.  I could live with the hole if they would discount the price more – hell it’s basically a disposable bathing suit to begin with – why not milk a discount??  It was labelled 600 shekels with 35% off (gee, thanks) which would make it about $100 – still too much for a disposable bathing suit, right?  They gave me 40% off at the register and I decided to go for it.  I could have bought the same bathing suit in black, but I just couldn’t bear to buy ANOTHER black bathing suit.  I wanted to be exotic for once and buy something fun and youthful and not so damn practical.  I was at the lowest place on earth but I didn’t want to feel like to the lowest person on earth.

I bought it, I wore it, and now it stinks of sulfur.  I just had to suck it up.  This might possibly be the only way to buy/wear bathing suits.  In the end, I think that most of the scariness around buying/wearing a bathing suit is something in my head.  Of course everyone is self-conscious, of course I can’t compare myself to Jennifer Aniston, of course I have to walk tall and be confident in the weight I’ve already lost.

Maybe this summer, if I have to buy new bathing suits I won’t need a week of mental preparation.  Maybe this time I can just dive in and not be so damn hard on myself.

We had a great day at the dead sea, and I wasn’t going to let any stupid (disposable) bathing suit get in my way.

2 Responses to “Lowest Place on Earth”

  1. Pretty interesting post. Couldn’t be written any better. Browsing this post reminds me of my old chum. He always kept talking about this. I will send this post to him. Am sure he will have a good chuckle. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  2. Hey, found this information ultra useful. Thanks for this aarticle

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