One Fine Day

November 24, 2009

I haven’t had ONE GOOD DAY on Weight Watchers in weeks.  I’ve made some attempts at it.  Start off the day tracking on my eTools at work, then lunch happens and a little bit of disaster strikes.  The frigging catered lunch at work!  Argh!  Stupid wraps from Toasties that I can’t resist.  They aren’t even that good, but it’s something about the allure of free food.  My co-workers can practically smell the leftovers coming down the hall from the conference room.  The leftovers are deposited on the table in the center of our work area and people come crawling out of every cube.  It’s as if no one has ever seen a turkey/brie wrap before!  The sandwichs are no longer fresh, and as I said before, they weren’t even that good to begin with!  But people want them!

I can usually pass on the wraps without a problem.  It’s normally the cookie tray that I can’t walk past without grabbing one.  The cookies from Toasties are VERY good (perhaps to make up for the lousy wraps?) and have to be at least 3 points per cookie. Lately, I’ve had a lot of meetings and not been able to say no the crappy catered food.  No doubt that has unravelled many of my days.  Once I can’t track lunch, I just give up.  I eat whatever I want for dinner and then have dessert to top it off!  I keep saying, I’ll start fresh tomorrow, only to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Plus, I always remembered this guy at my old WW meetings from 2005 saying, “Dont eat the crap at work!” like it was yesterday! Why was I eating the crap at work?  Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I found myself feeling more and more out of control.  Eating copious amounts of Town House crackers for breakfast instead of making myself a bowl of cereal.  100 calorie packs up the wazoo!  Haven’t picked up a measuring spoon or used my WW food scale at all.  It was bad.  Oh and I didn’t even tell you about the noodles.  These stupid noodles were 10 for $10 at the Stop N Shop by my mother’s house and I’m ashamed to report that I’ve eaten them for dinner about 6 times in the past two weeks.  I didn’t even bother to figure out the points.  The flavor packets in the Shrimp version kinda grossed me out – but I still ate it.  Oh well.  I figured (for a moment) that it was an improvement on frozen Smart Ones, (um, no, Marie.).

When I’m not counting points, I feel so crazed.  Like I don’t know what to do, when to eat, I don’t know if I’m hungry or if I’m eating just to eat.  It’s very uncomfortable.  I feel so un-like myself.  It’s weird.  I have this crazy double life suddenly.  Half of me is relieved.  I’m eating what I want, I feel free!  The other half of me is so twisted, sad and wants to scream out for help.  This usually happens when I don’t go to WW meetings.  The meetings usually keep me on track or at least help me get back on the track.  I haven’t been to a meeting in like 3 weeks.  And, look, I’ve got all the excuses in the book, “I was sick”, “I’ve been rehearsing a play”, “Work has been crazy”, “My tux never came back from the cleaners!” (Blues Brothers, anyone? anyone?)  But, none of these excuses would be excuses if I didn’t let them be.  I’d say “screw it” and get my ass to a meeting NO MATTER WHAT.

So today, I set out to just have ONE FINE DAY.  Not a lifetime, not a month, not even a week.  Just one day.  If you can string together 3 good meals today, you can do it again tomorrow.  Take it one day at a time.  Today was the first day of the rest of my WW life.

One Response to “One Fine Day”

  1. Abby said

    You go girl! The hardest thing to is to overcome self-judgment and self-criticism. Everyone falls off the wagon. It’s the strong who pick them selves up, dust off and say “ok, that sucked, but I’m going to get back in the saddle and keep trying.” That’s true compassion.

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